


An Animal in His Cage

by MargotCelvin



Series: Extra Nightmares [1]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Angst, Depression, I'm Sorry, I'm really bad at tags, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smoking, Stan and Eddie are mentioned but not really in it, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotCelvin/pseuds/MargotCelvin
Summary: For those of you were wondering where Richie went.





	An Animal in His Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is a little tiny one-shot thing that goes along with my longer piece called Nightmares. So, if you haven't read chapter 15 (The one about broken promises) please read that first or this is gonna make no sense.

The silence was swallowing him. Drowning him. Not that it mattered. He had decided that downing would be a better way to go out than this. Richie had been thinking about all the different ways he would rather die than suffer like this. Drowning, burning alive, being buried alive, suffocating, being shot in the head, a drug overdose, being poisoned, even being beaten to death had made it on the list.

While he was going over his list again in his head, there was music playing. It took him a moment to register that it was there. It was soft and started in the middle of the song, but Richie recognized it. It made the corner of his mouth quirk up slightly. It was his ringtone for Stan, his best friend, his best that was going to hate him.

The cigarette that he had been working on was just about out. He breathed in the smoke one last time before he jammed the embers against his inner arm. He barely felt it. He let the smoke in his lungs escape through his nose. The whole action made Richie think about how much Stan was going to hate him.

He broke a promise. Stan took promises very seriously. Stan was going to be so disappointed and angry when he saw what Richie had done.

What was he going to do over summer break? Stan wasn’t going to let him stay with him and his family again. Stan hated him, and if he said he didn’t, Richie knew it was a lie. He was going to have to go back to his parent’s house. His father would want to know everything, why he hadn’t come home or really contacted them before that point.

Then his father would do it. He would finally do it. He would finally take it too far and kill his son, not that Wentworth would care. His only concern would be what he was going to do with the body. Richie knew that going back to California was a death sentence. But it still felt like a better option than what was happening now. That was how being beaten to death had made it on the list.

But Richie had decided that if he was going to go out, he was going to go out by his own hands. It was the least he could do for himself.

The music ending brought Richie back to reality. The cigarette bud was still pressed against his arm, although it was out now. Richie got up and walked over to the trashcan that sat in the corner of his room. He dropped the bud into the bag and looked at the contents. It was almost entirely white sticks and cigarette boxes.

There had been vomit in there earlier, but Richie had taken that bag out moments after it happened. He didn’t want the room to smell. He knew it was going to smell like smoke but that was almost a comforting smell to Richie.

Richie wanted to at least keep his room clean and not awful smelling. Even animals like to have a clean cage. Richie was no exception.

Richie sat back down next to his window. He still didn’t notice the chill in the air.

Eddie’s words kept replaying in his head.

 _You probably told me that you loved me to make me feel better._ But he hadn’t. He really did love Eddie. He loved him more than anything. He was willing to die for Eddie, and maybe he was going to.

 _You’re just like your parents, a fucking liar._ Was he becoming his dad? Was he becoming the one thing that scared him the most? He didn’t think he had, but now he wasn’t so sure. He was using the same kind of coping mechanisms that his father did, shutting people out and trying to destroy his body one drink at a time. This had been the only time that Richie had ever really thought about trying to drown his sorrows in the bottle instead of the smoke he was using.

 _You’re the fucking worst Richard, I hope you know that._ He did.

 _I also hope you know, that I will be perfectly happy if I never see you again._ Richie wasn’t okay with that. He wasn’t going to be okay with never seeing the smile that he loved again. He wasn’t going to be okay if he never got to hold Eddie again. If he never got to hear the laugh that was better than any song Richie had ever heard before. He wasn’t going to be okay with never being able to taste the cherry Chapstick that Eddie wore.

Richie hadn’t noticed that he had lit another cigarette. Not that he was surprised though. He sat in silence again. Letting the silence consume him. He heard the lock turn, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up and see who it was. Whoever it was, was taking careful footsteps, not wanting to spook Richie. It wasn’t until he could smell the cologne that he realized who it was.

It was who he was so sure was going to hate him. Who he was so sure was going to leave him for hurting Eddie.

It was Stan.


End file.
